Oh, well

I feel pretty good today. Not feeling empty like I thought I would be.
The best part is : I'm not missing anything like I'm afraid I would.
Maybe yesterday was just a phase where all my bad feelings actually do happened. And I feel sad because I'm not ready to face the truth that all my bad feelings were actually true.
I'll miss the hand gestures, though.
See you when I see you.
'til we meet again.

Sincerely,
Your Secret Admirer.


/still waiting for the day you'll add me on socmed, though :p/

...or so nice?
Oh well, another (same) situation had happened (again).
For the second time in a row, Universe. Wow.
Is this your way of saying that I should forget about it all? An admiration can't do, now? Okay, then.
Maybe it's for the best. Maybe... it's your way of saying that I shouldn't (couldn't) have these feelings because if  it's continue then I will be more heartbroken than now.


Thank you...? I guess? No?

Lagi-lagi kali ini saya menyukai lelaki yang sudah jadi milik orang lain. Well, masih asumsi sih. Tapi berdasarkan hasil kekepoan saya, mereka sudah bersama sejak tahun 2008/9. Sampai tahun lalu pun masih bareng. Udah 2 kali pula mereka masuk ke mimpi saya. Ya, Mereka. 2-2nya.

Saya bahkan ga terlalu dekat dengan dia. Ngobrol aja gak pernah. Nyapa aja gak berani. Tapi bisa suka. Aneh, ya? Perasaan terkadang emang susah di kontrol. Suka bikin bete. Gak tau situasi dan kondisi.

Ini kali ke-3 saya naksir seseorang yang udah berpacar. Pertama tahun 2007 - 2011 (si saklar on-off) ; kedua tahun 2011 (si om-om) ; dan sekarang 2012 (si Ariel kalo kata ria HAHAHA). Awalnya saya sama sekali gak tahu kalau mereka punya pacar. Sesaat setelah hati saya memutuskan buat naksir sama mereka, baru deh ketahuan kalo mereka udah ada yang punya. Dasar hati bego.

Yah... Sebenernya sebel sama keadaan. Dan perasaan. Kenapa juga setiap berhasil move on dari si saklar on-off, eh move on nya ke yang udh berpacar semua. Gak bisa ya dikasih 1 gitu yang saya suka, masih single, dan suka sama saya balik! Kayanya 5 tahun udah kelamaan deh. Kapan sih waktu yang tepat buat saya, dunia? Masih harus nunggu 5 tahun lagi kah? Jangan dong. Saya capek.

Saya pengen punya keberanian seperti teman-teman saya yang lain, yang kayanya gampang banget gonta ganti pacar. In this case, bukan masalah gonta ganti nya. Tapi masalah kenal sama cowok nya. They're not even friends in the first place but they ended up together. Kapan ya bisa kaya gitu? Kalau saya udah ga insecure sama diri saya sendiri? Mungkin.

 Saya capek loh kaya gini terus, Tuhan. Bosen gak sih denger keluhan saya yang ini lagi ini lagi seakan akan saya gak ada usaha nya. Saya udah usaha minta bantuan dr pihak ke 3 lho. Tapi mereka juga seakan enggan. Sejelek itu ya saya? Tuh kan insecure lagi.

Mengutip kata2 teman di twitter tadi yang bilang "Orang2 yang setiap harinya ngelewatin pasar cipulir pasti tingkat keimanan dan kesabarannya meningkat secara otomatis." Sebagai pelewat jalan setia di cipulir, mungkin karena ini juga kali ya tingkat kesabaran saya jadi tinggi, makanya disuruh sabar aja terus.

Sabar emang gak boleh ada batasnya. Tapi kalo capek masih bisa berbatas kan?

Saya capek, dikerjain terus sama dunia yang seakan2 gak mau lihat saya bahagia.

I sometimes have this urge feelings to cry without even have a proper reason why I would. I just want to. And last night, I did. I cry my heart out without even knowing why I did.
I just... need a hug, I guess.

Anyway, It's been a long time since I wrote here, and I do miss writing, I really do. But... I don't have any interesting stories to share.
.
.
.

Oh I got 1! I got the Super Show 4 Jakarta's Ticket! In less than 2 weeks, I'll be seeing my oppars with my own eyes~!!!!! Can't wait.

Oh and another 1. There's this cute guy whom I don't really like but it's enough to make me stay a little bit longer just to stare at his back L O L. And last friday I talked to him again after a while. It's just a 'can you' and 'nope, it can't' kind of conversation but I feel like I've accomplished something big because of it :3

Oh I got another 1 (well, there's a lot of stories, I guess) That one particular guy whom I happened to have a crush on for almost 5 years actually YM-ing me first with a strange explanation of why he did that. some of my friends assumed that he missed me (YEA RIGHT LMAO), but I'm just glad that he didn't forget me.

And I'm proudly announce that.... THE SWITCH IS STILL OFF!!!!! Has the switch finally fixed itself? I hope so. I do not mind If we met, though. He said that he bought me something when he last went to Japan but still didn't know how to give it to me (well if you really mean it, then you'll find a way, so I guess you don't. -_-).

Okay, that basically it. I'm off to download the latest 'The King 2 Hearts' drama (It's REALLY GOOD. Not a typical K-Drama, but I assure you that IT IS GOOD) and then watch some of the old 1N2D (I'm missing the old formation so so so bad)

Goodbye for now~! <3